Half-way

Half Way 

Whilst in Shanghai, I was having cocktails on The Bund, when I was suddenly hit with a toxic wave of nostalgia, gratitude and excitement. In that moment I wrote a piece of writing and saved it on my phone，here it is:

Sometimes I think about my life before; lovely, humble and stable. A life where you know who you are, what you do and where you come from. This life is happy. You have you friends, family, traditions and habits.  You know what to expect from the people around you, as they have been there from the start.  I loved this life, slow and steady, tranquil and secluded. A routine set in stone. The comfort of the faces you know and the food that warms your soul. You are sane. You are safe. But you are not excited. This is the life I always thought i'd live, no pressure, no one watching your every move, no attention, just life.

Now I think about my new life. A life of excitement, luxury and discovery. A life where there is something new around every corner. New places, people, food and friends. A life where books are only half written and a plot twist could be on the next page.  With tales to scream from roof tops and stories only to be shared with the people you're with. A life where stress is constant and anxiety is high, but the relief of beauty and astonishment take your breath away when you discover a world you never thought existed.

They say our life is measured in our happiness, but my happiness is split.  On one hand I long for the people who mean the most to me and the comfort that makes my heart melt. But on the other, the excitement, thrills and culture wish for me not to go back to the lowly countryside and leave a country I've always dreamed of living in.

I've always been a half way person. Intelligence with little common sense. Thrill seeking but anchored by anxiety, Even my hair is indecisive, blonde with brown roots.  But it is my heart that controls where I feel at home, whether comfort beats craziness or luxury beats lowly.

They say we always miss what we cant have. The past few months have taught me, luxury is nothing unless you're laughing, wonder does not come without fear, and the memories you make are nothing without the people you love. But most of all, if you dream of somewhere else, you forget to live. I wish I could share this year with the people I love and I wish I had my mums cooking here with me (as well as her hugs), but i  cannot wish time away. I know I will always go back to by lowly life and then return again to the adventure. Who ever said being a half way person was bad?

2014- An Interesting Year!

Heya,

Happy New Year!

I hope you all had an amazing New Year's Eve, I did! I just wanted to take a moment to reflect on 2014 and what a marathon of a year it was. 

The year started off amazingly! I went to the RED tour with my four best friends and it was insane, I fell in love with Taylor all over again; There's nothing like singing cheesy lyrics at the top of your lungs with thousands and thousands of other people! It was a dream come true! I also saw You me at six, something that has been on my bucket list for years, it was mind blowing to see these people I have admired and loved for years suddenly in front of me! I can not describe how amazing it was to be there, it felt so surreal. 

After The Muddy Race For Life

Then it went down hill, I lost 3 of my close family members with in months of each other close to my A level exams. It was a horrible time, and seeing my family so upset broke my heart. However, with the help of my amazing best friends I came out the other side. After, I decided to raise more money for Cancer Research and  thank my family more often. I was determined to make 2014 amazing again. To my best friends, I can never thank you enough for always being there when I was at my worst, even if you didn't know it. 




Summer came, and it was the best summer of my life! I excelled in my AS Levels, I cried in shock; I thought they gave me the wrong slip of paper! I went on holiday with my family and friends to St. Ives, which is like a second home to me, and even though it's in England I can't imagine going anywhere else! To finish it off I went to Reading Festival,  which was insane! I saw so many amazing acts and had soooo much fun, I WILL go again sometime in the future!  That summer I also made some amazing friends I refer to as the biscuits, they are amazing and cheer me up when I'm feeling glum. However, they will never replace my gals!!

Winter brought hella load of 18th birthdays, parties and celebrating. It's weird to think that most of my friends are 18 and I still have 6 months to go! I cannot forget Christmas!!!! I was so spoilt this year and I am grateful for everything I received, however this year has made me realise, I am more grateful for my family!

Speak soon, 

Lois Mae