Half-way

Half Way 

Whilst in Shanghai, I was having cocktails on The Bund, when I was suddenly hit with a toxic wave of nostalgia, gratitude and excitement. In that moment I wrote a piece of writing and saved it on my phone，here it is:

Sometimes I think about my life before; lovely, humble and stable. A life where you know who you are, what you do and where you come from. This life is happy. You have you friends, family, traditions and habits.  You know what to expect from the people around you, as they have been there from the start.  I loved this life, slow and steady, tranquil and secluded. A routine set in stone. The comfort of the faces you know and the food that warms your soul. You are sane. You are safe. But you are not excited. This is the life I always thought i'd live, no pressure, no one watching your every move, no attention, just life.

Now I think about my new life. A life of excitement, luxury and discovery. A life where there is something new around every corner. New places, people, food and friends. A life where books are only half written and a plot twist could be on the next page.  With tales to scream from roof tops and stories only to be shared with the people you're with. A life where stress is constant and anxiety is high, but the relief of beauty and astonishment take your breath away when you discover a world you never thought existed.

They say our life is measured in our happiness, but my happiness is split.  On one hand I long for the people who mean the most to me and the comfort that makes my heart melt. But on the other, the excitement, thrills and culture wish for me not to go back to the lowly countryside and leave a country I've always dreamed of living in.

I've always been a half way person. Intelligence with little common sense. Thrill seeking but anchored by anxiety, Even my hair is indecisive, blonde with brown roots.  But it is my heart that controls where I feel at home, whether comfort beats craziness or luxury beats lowly.

They say we always miss what we cant have. The past few months have taught me, luxury is nothing unless you're laughing, wonder does not come without fear, and the memories you make are nothing without the people you love. But most of all, if you dream of somewhere else, you forget to live. I wish I could share this year with the people I love and I wish I had my mums cooking here with me (as well as her hugs), but i  cannot wish time away. I know I will always go back to by lowly life and then return again to the adventure. Who ever said being a half way person was bad?